Thursday, April 03, 2008
Disgusted and Depressed
yesterday, I was feeling reaaly bad. I became disgusted with myself. I cried a lot. I was so disgusted with myself for putting on so much weight that I can now hardly walk. I My back hurts all the time and my knees are starting to hurt. I stayed home from work most of the day yesterday. My sister,mother and cousin came over to my house unexpectedly and I was extremely embarrassed because my house is filthy. I have tried to keep it clean, but with all the weight I get tired easily. I did not want them to know what happened to my house. My sister said that she loved me, but could not stand being in the house because it stank. My mother had a very sad look on her face, and that upset me even more. She said that she wasn't mad. They said that they were not mad and understood what it feels like to be depressed.There is much renovation that needs to be done to my house, but they have agreed to help me do it. My cousin even tore out some of my carpeting while I was at work today.I did much cleaning last night, and some tonight.I feel bad for making them sad. They say that they are glad to help, and they gave me lots of hugs and are helping me and getting my house fixed up. I feel so ashamed.