Tuesday, December 30, 2008

From cjonline.com

Way to go, granny!!!!:Ore. woman, 88, gives naked intruder the 'squeeze'

The Associated Press
PORTLAND, Ore. — The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing. Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair.

That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

McRedmond said a county code enforcement officer who heard the police call on his radio spotted a car near the woman's house and passed on the license information to authorities.

Troutdale police arrested a 46-year-old man. He has been jailed on accusations of burglary, harassment and private indecency. Bail was set at $110,000.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I didn't write this....

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler, written by someone who just moved back to snow country.

December 8 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our
cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift
down from heaven.

It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.

What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor
tells me not to worry-we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's

Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast.. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a
wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down
salt. Hurt like hell.

The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right.

I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!

Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March.

I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it
done and bill me.

I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took
me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.

I was too tired to shovel.

Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but
he says he's too busy.

I think the asshole is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?

She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in.

The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a
fricking idiot.

If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?

It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.

The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a
million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to
shove the broken snow shovel up his ass..

The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am
I tied to the bed?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Hi there

Thought about making a new post last night , but fell asleep before I could do it. Everything is going ok on the homefront. I have really given up on selling this cute little house next year. I have more improvements to make, need to save more money, before I can even think of selling it. Besides, the economy needs to get better.I still have a lady that comes two times a month to clean. I do all of the cleaning inbetween. It is just a terrible time to sell a house right now, but it is a great time to purchase one. I am not one of those people who will buy a new, or newer house before the old one gets sold. Maybe I would if I had millions and millions of dollars in the bank, but I don't. I have to be practical with these decisions and my money. Hell, being practical and tight is really kinda second nature to me. Unlike those idiots in Congress. I have no trust in them. Taxes. I hate em. Guess it is just part of living in the grand ol USofA. Speaking of taxes, my property taxes , I have to write the check for them next week, personally speaking, and then I don't have to pay another bill, personally speaking, until January 5, 2009. Yay! Now if only Dennis would contact me, I have not spoken to him in over a year. I really miss his big BIG monster 8---> ::Giggle::