From the Inner Nets

You might be from Kansas if:

1. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

2. You have never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity; he's your neighbor.)

3. You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

4. Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away, and you can still see him from your front porch.

5. You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Schoenchen, Kechi, Osawatomie and Olathe.

6. Going on vacation means going to Hutch to the fair, Abilene to Ike's museum or Boot Hill to see Miss Kitty.

7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.

8. A traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

9. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4x4 is. (Except in Johnson County)

10. You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

11. The terms Sooners and Huskers cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.

12. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

13. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.

14. You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

15. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.

16. You have been asked, "Where is Toto" more than once.

17. You prefer the Little Apple to the Big Apple as a place to live.

18. You had at least one summer job that was bucking bales or custom cutting.

19. You understand the difference between 3.2 and 6 point and more than once you've made a beer run to another state.

20. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

21. Your school classes have been canceled because of the cold.

22. You know in your heart that K-State can beat Oklahoma in football.

23. Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

24. You have had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

25. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

26. You call that smell coming from the feed yards...Money.

27. Your school classes have been canceled because of the heat.

28. You complain that you cannot see Scott City...

29. You know that Mt. Oread is really only just a hill.

30. You have seen people wear bib overalls to funerals and weddings.

31. You have ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way.

32. Over 50% of your wardrobe is purple.

33. In August you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7a.m.

34. You instantly know someone is from Johnson County when they call everything west of Topeka...Western Kansas.

35. A tornado-warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

36. You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clintons state and the river... arKANSAS.

37. You think the opening day of pheasant season is a national holiday.

38. You NEVER liked Norm Stewart.

39. "Vacation" means going to Kansas City or Wichita for the weekend.

40. You measure distance in hours.

41. You know several people who have hit more than one deer.

42. You use a down comforter in the summer (because you run the A/C at 55 degrees).

43. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow, during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

44. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

45. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

46. You think of the major food groups as beer, beef, and beans.

47. You carry jumper cables in your car and make sure your better half knows how to use them.

48. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

49. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

50. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

51. You know the 4 seasons as: summer, road construction, still summer, winter.

52. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

53. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Kansas.

54. You lock the doors to your truck but leave the windows rolled down.

55. Finally, you are 100% Kansan if you have ever had this conversation:

~You wanna Coke?

~Yeah.

~What kind?

~Dr. Pepper.

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